Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
