Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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