I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
