Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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