Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
