after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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