jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
