Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
