how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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