I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
