So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
