Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
