Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
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Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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