i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
