There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
