mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
