Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
