I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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