White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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