I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
