If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
