Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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