I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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