But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
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It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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