Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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