I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
smell my finger.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
