Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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