The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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