OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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