In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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