the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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