He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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