Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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