i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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