Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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