omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
