hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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