All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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