Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
