goodnight i made you a song goodbye
one might say we're banned from that church
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
