NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
