Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
