Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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