Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
