dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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