could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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