Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
