All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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