how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
