Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
