Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
