remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
