Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
