Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
