Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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