Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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