sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
