3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
