so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
