I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
