It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think im in europe. pls send help
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
