At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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