This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
