go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
