here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
