How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
