She is in my trunk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
