dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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